This website is for people who either suspect or already know they are being cheated, based on my own personal experience.
I found myself in this position twice during my 19 years of marriage. The first time was five years in and the second time, well, after 19 years.
After the second affair, which at that point had been going on for at least a year already, I knew I had to get out of the relationship, or a central part of me had to die. So I found myself a divorce lawyer, asked him how to go about a divorce and set the separation in motion.
We went through counselling sessions, at first together and then individually, and also had the children have their own specialised counsellor.
I learnt a lot about relationships, breaking up, pain and healing during that time. I have always known that there are always two sides to every story, so I don’t hold any particular grudge against my ex-partner.
I firmly believe that hatred and judging others just eats us up and deprives us from any possibility of being happy and fulfilled in life. Happiness and fulfilment come from the inside and it is up to us to create it. It is not up to our spouses, children or friends.
Having said that, we must choose our spouses and friends carefully. We cannot change who they are, so if there is something about them that we cannot live with, we either have to bury our own needs or move on.
To most people, myself included, trust is the unshakable core of any worthwhile relationship. It does not matter who is right or wrong – but we must be honest and open with one another. Not surprisingly, cheating is often the death knell in a relationship. It does not have to be the end, but to heal an affair requires extraordinary efforts from both parties including exceptional and complete transparency on the part of the person having cheated.
It is my hope that in creating this website I may pass on some of the lessons I have learnt on my journey and assist my readers to reclaim their faith in themselves, in life and in loving relationships.
I would like to point out that in order to protect the identity of my ex partner and our respective families and friends, I have decided to use a pen name – so if you ever meet Jo Synclair, that won’t be me. For the same reason I am not using a photo of myself here.
If there is anything in particular you would like to see covered on this site, please contact me any time.