As a counsellor/therapist/mediator for a good number of years, I’ve learned that infidelity and trust issues are based or founded upon something as simple as casual texting between opposite-sex friends and will eventually lead to an emotional/sexual affair.
Let’s be honest right here. It’s easy to be attracted to someone, regardless if you’re married or not. People tell me that it’s considered as cheating when you even glance at another person. I beg to differ. There’s no harm in appreciating beauty for what it’s worth. I mean, there are people who do pay to look good. The danger here is that most people tend to do something about it, like trying to establish a form of communication with said attractive person and then the cheating begins.
When a spouse eventually finds out about their partner’s cheating escapades, the cheaters throw a flurry of lines to defend themselves.
I’ve had numerous sessions in my career as a counsellor where I heard a lot of commonly used phrases thrown by cheating spouses. More often than not, they are as true as they sound, yet sometimes, they can hide a very dark motive.
How do you read between the lines of cheating spouses and their most commonly used phrases?
The following phrases are going to be sorted out based on the possible truth underneath it and how you can determine if your spouse is lying to you.
“We’re just friends”
This is by far the oldest phrase in the book and, it’s commonly thrown around in my office. First off, it’s okay for spouses to have friends belonging to the opposite sex. I believe that when a spouse introduces his or her friends to their partner, it makes them feel at ease because he or she already knows them. My father’s best friend since childhood is a woman and my mother was perfectly fine with this, even when my father was still courting her.
How do you know if he or she is telling the truth?
The thing about my father and his best friend is that she was introduced to my mother the moment they started dating. My mother admitted that it was a very awkward situation because she often misinterpreted it as a romantic relationship.
If your spouse doesn’t hide his or her friendship, then it’s safe to assume that he or she is telling the truth. He or she is open enough to let you read their messages or conversations and he or she is open to the idea of introducing him or her to you.
“I’m going out with some friends”
I often find this statement to be very tricky simply because you can often hide the lie amidst the details. A couple of years ago, I had a couple who were on the verge of breaking up because the husband was reportedly spending a lot of time with his “friends”. The wife was not suspicious at first until the time came when his friends suddenly arrived at their home and he was out. This prompted the wife to investigate and asked his friends if they went out on the dates that her husband had gone out. All of them answered NO in unison.
How to uncover the truth
It’s simple really. All you have to do is check out their alibi. If your spouse is indeed going out with his or her friends, try calling a few of them to confirm if they are going out. You can also try asking your spouse who he’s going out with.
Cheating can be hidden underneath a pile of both truth and lies, and it’s just a matter of uncovering the right amount of truth and deceit to get to the bottom of it. The phrases thrown about by cheaters may sound cliché or common, but they are rooted on either truth or deceit.