It’s difficult to focus on recovering from a breakup, especially if you’re in the process of questioning yourself about what went wrong and where it all went downhill.
Why did he leave me?
Why was she so disinterested in me?
Will I get back with him?
You thought you were soul mates. Everything was all going smoothly till one day, everything you ever worked on disappeared.
There’s no definite way to heal a broken heart, much less recover from it, but you can do something about it to make sure that you come out of it stronger.
The key to healing a broken heart is to focus inwardly, or to focus on yourself first. Even when you’re still in a relationship, your main focus should be on yourself.
Amidst the heartache and heartbreak, remember that you are the central focus – the healing and recovering of the old YOU prior to the heartbreak.
How to gently heal a broken heart
Healing is your choice, and healing from a broken heart needs your dedication and commitment to doing whatever it takes.
Deal with the pain or run away from it
You can either run away from the pain or deal with it. You can deal with the pain and not have to distract yourself with overworking yourself, substance abuse, or even jumping into another relationship. You can rise up to the challenge and deal with the pain head-on. Don’t let it fester till it becomes a numbing sound at the back of your mind. When you deal with the pain, you strengthen your resolve and yourself one day at a time till it becomes easier for you to just shrug it off. Sure, it may take a while but hey, no wound heals overnight unless you’re Wolverine or Deadpool.
You don’t need to deal with guilt as you move forward
The problem with people is that they try to apologise for a mistake and then feel bad about it – even though they just apologised for it. You and your ex-romantic partner may have had lapses and flaws on both your ends, but it doesn’t mean that you need to be accountable for theirs. Whatever mistake you make during the relationship, own up to it, apologise, and move on.
Don’t be too hard on yourself
Dealing with guilt is one thing, but to beat yourself up on one single flaw you possessed during a relationship is another matter entirely. First, you need to acknowledge the fact that whatever you’re feeling after the breakup is normal. You can be sad and angry, but you don’t need to be so hard on yourself for feeling that way. You have to go through the motions and that’s normal. Don’t be embarrassed or angry when you’re dealing with whatever emotion it is you’re feeling.
Have an outlet
Some people have different outlets when it comes to healing a broken heart. They draw, sing, write, and even talk. Whatever your passion is, try to lose yourself in it and then use it to help yourself heal. On my end, I find going on treks and hikes to be a very good outlet for dealing with heartaches.
Have a positive mindset
The way we think can have an impact on the healing process. The way we think can help us move forward or slow us down. Take each day one day at a time and choose the attitude that best suits the day ahead.
How to feel better afterwards
Healing is all about feeling better afterwards, and to heal a broken heart means to feel better afterwards. Now that you’ve gone through the process, it’s time to focus on the other important aspects of recovery.
For starters, how’s your health? As clichéd as it may sound, it’s important to have a sound mind, peaceful soul, and a healthy body as they are the foundation for a holistic recovery. With these three factors, you can be free from the hurt while keeping an open mind in your everyday life matters.
Your happiness is your next goal, even if you feel that you shouldn’t be happy (remember what I told you about feeling guilty? Don’t feel guilty about your happiness). Focus now on your ambitions and goals. What were the things that you wanted to do or wanted to buy but couldn’t when you were still in a relationship? Try to focus on the things that matter.
You should also surround yourself with people who love you and who let you be yourself. Talk about what’s been going on with you and the process that you’re going through. They can help keep you on track and inwardly and outwardly focused throughout the entire thing. If you’re happy with their company, then try to spend more time with them. I remember back in college when I just jumped into my friend’s car and we went on a road trip after I broke up with my girlfriend months before.
Forgive and forget. You are your own person in your own time. Making a choice to forgive immediately doesn’t mean that you’re over the actual breakup. It just means that you’re now putting things in motion and you’re ready to move forward minus the anger and hate.
Amidst the pain, it’s also important that you connect with the spiritual side of things. I’m not saying that you should find religion or go to church every day for the rest of your life, but you should try to find what others call “inner peace”. Remember, when you focus on yourself, you focus on the things that will help you get through the heartache and pain.
Moving on doesn’t mean you need to move to another city or state, or away from where your past beau used to reside. It doesn’t help to be that avoidant of places where you and your ex used to go. Just because your relationship ended doesn’t mean that you should stop going to your favourite brunch spot. Just because your relationship ended doesn’t mean you stop going to the gym close to your apartment because your ex signed you up for that.
Try not to stir trouble towards the opposite sex. Avoid generalisations like ALL MEN ARE PIGS or ALL WOMEN ARE CHEATERS. That’s not going to help you at all with the healing process and it will also impede you from starting a new relationship altogether.
You deserve some alone time too. While it’s important to seek comfort in friends, being alone is also helpful towards your recovery process. Trust me, being alone is the next best thing for a few good reasons. First, you get to enjoy your own company (it’s better than you think). Second, it allows you to reflect on things minus the negative ideas and input from your friends and family.
Lastly, learn from your mistakes. Don’t ever let the mistakes of your past romantic relationships haunt your current one. Take note of your flaws and mistakes and then try to better yourself.
“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” -Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love.
There are many ways to heal and recover after a heartbreak, but it’s important to know that for you, anything is possible and to heal a broken heart is possible. Life is filled with solutions and wonderful ways in which to overcome hardship. If you are willing, you will find what you are looking for. And if a mended, happy, recovered heart is what you seek, then you will find exactly that.