Without solid proof of infidelity, you might as well talk to a wall—cheaters are prepared to lie and deny their way out. However, there are probably clues that make you think your spouse is having an affair. Such situations like late work nights, more private time and less family time can make your gut wrench just thinking of the possibility.
Not all people want to spy on their spouses to find out if they are actually cheating; instead, they rely on their gut feeling. If you have a feeling that your spouse is cheating, take a break and read on.
Put Yourself in Their Shoes
If you were the one cheating and your spouse will ask if you are, you will probably deny it right off the bat. That goes true especially if they come at you with an accusatory tone, or if it seems they are attacking you. You will be defensive, clam up, and leave the room. Imagine if they will ask you, “Are you cheating?” in an unsure, meek tone. If you are the strong, dominant type, you will retaliate in an aggressive tone and scare them back into their holes.
The first thing you need to understand is how the other party will possibly react. Looking at the above scenarios, you will realize that it is not good to begin the confrontation from an emotional perspective. It helps to be level-headed and objective when you begin the actual confrontation.
If you suspect your spouse has been cheating for a few weeks or months, take notes on possible reasons and lies. Because you have no solid proof, you want to be specific and not just present feelings—abstract or vague estimations can easily be countered. You can take note of how often he or she stays late at work or how often the calls are taken outside. If you have specific details, the other party will realize that you are observant and that you are watching their every move.
Approach and Tone
Think about how you and your spouse communicate. How were you talking the last time he or she clammed up? How were you talking when it was easy to communicate with your spouse? Visualize the communication approach and the tone of voice you used to get answers. That will be how you will confront your spouse.
The important thing is that you have to be sure of yourself and that you just want answers when you confront your spouse. You do not want the other party to be defensive or to lash out at you.
Confront at the Moment
If you are prepared to confront, do so calmly, objectively, and right at the time when you think they are lying about it. The next time your spouse says a possible lie, ask him or her calmly right then and there. Tell them that, speaking of the issue, it is something that bothers you and you are concerned about it. You will feel more at ease if both of you talk honestly with each other right at that moment. Keep in mind not to use an accusatory tone; just ask matter-of-factly without negative or hurtful emotions getting in the way.
It is possible to confront an unfaithful spouse without proof; just remember that timing is also important. If you confront them too soon, they will probably deny it and come up with better ways on how to cover their tracks. Ultimately, confronting a cheating spouse is most effective when you have proof.