For men, getting over an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife can become one of the great dilemmas of manhood. Getting over your ex is rarely quick and easy, and as such, often complicated by what you two held in common – from hangouts to living quarters.
The most frustrating thing about the whole process, however, is that even if you ended the relationship because it was the right thing to do, it can still be difficult to bury every memory and move on.
From my experience, there’s no “exact thing” to do when it comes to getting over her. It just depends on the kind of person that you are and how involved the people are in your life. If you want to move on to a more confident life of singlehood, you need to be emptied of your emotional baggage from the previous relationship.
This means you need to know how to get over her, and I am going to make it easy for any man out there to get over their ex.
Don’t Contact Her
I would probably consider this as the most important tip in getting over an ex. Cutting contact in any form, from phone to social media to common friends, can be very difficult but it is something that needs to be done if you want to hasten your recovery.
I am going to give you a few reasons why it’s better you don’t contact her at all:
You’re going to get rid of the temptation of trying to get back to her. With the technology that’s available to us, it only takes a push of a button to get in touch with someone who’s a million miles away. When you try to get in touch with your ex, you surround yourself with uncertainty: the uncertainty of the both of you coming back together. I am not saying that it’s not okay to get her back, but it’s just not healthy at this point. Both of you are still dealing with a lot of emotional trauma and turmoil from the breakup and whatever it is you decide between the two of you can never be one that’s not without emotional bias.
Second reason why you’re better off not contacting her is that you are interfering with her own healing process. Like you, she’s going through her own motions – she’s also trying to get over you. Don’t be that guy who’ll try to keep her hopes up and don’t pin her to be the woman who’ll also pin yours as well.
Toss out any reminders of her
Anything that used to remind her of you needs to be discarded – and vice versa. Sentimental as some things may be, you just can’t afford to have a few of them lying around.
Psychologists believe that our senses associate themselves with events or memories, like a scent, a song, or even a location. This can be detrimental to your recovery process because there’s that nagging nostalgic pain every time something reminds you of her.
So any old stuff that you have of her that is lying around in your home or apartment needs to go, or if you can’t do it, ask your friends to do it for you. At the very least, you can ask them to hide the items until you’ve fully recovered.
Hang out with the guys
Your best buddies are willing to help you move on. In fact, the moment they knew about you being single again, they were probably the ones who picked you up from your house.
Your Wolf Pack, as you could call it, are going to help you through the entire thing and will even be the ones to prevent you from doing stupid things like contacting your ex.
If you want the more emotional outlet, why not call out your girl friends? They will provide you with a more understanding ear and far better advice than your guy buddies – who will only provide you with advice like “forget about her” or “there are a lot of fishes in the sea” or some other clichéd pop psychology line.
Exercise Your Newfound Freedoms
Relationships are about compromise, and I don’t think you need to be reminded about this one. When you’re in a relationship for so long, you forget a different kind of freedom – a freedom you enjoy only when you’re single and uncommitted.
When you’re single, it’s time that you took advantage of this freedom – within the boundaries of law, of course.
You can binge-watch your favourite movies, play your video games for hours on end, or even just sleep until you feel better – whatever it is that you enjoyed doing when you were single, you should do.
There’s nothing wrong with taking all of those things that you were deprived of when you were in a relationship. The distraction can be a very big help in your recovery process.
Remember The Bad Times
Remember what I said about nostalgia? Well, some forms of nostalgia can be healthy for you while you are recovering.
Most guys idealize their significant others after a breakup. They’ll rant about how they can no longer find someone as special as their ex, but the truth is, that’s not the kind of moving on that we want to achieve.
One of the most important things that you can do to help you with the recovery is to remember the bad stuff. Why? Not because you want her to become the villain in your life story, but you’ll want something to prevent you from getting back to her.
Did you fight a lot? Was she such a nag? Sometimes, the negative aspects of a relationship can be just as much as a lifesaver as the positive ones. In this case, you just need to be reminded of why you thought your ex was sometimes unbearable.
Don’t Try Getting Your Stuff Back
Just as much as you’re trying to get rid of her stuff, don’t go back into her life just because you want your stuff back. I’m pretty sure she’s disposed of it if she wanted to get over you. Also, it helps to avoid the temptation of getting in touch with her.
There’s no quicker way to increase your endorphins or happy hormones than to exercise. That’s right. Working out is probably something that you rarely, or never, did when you were still in a relationship – unless your significant other was a fitness enthusiast. Working out is a great way to work out all that post-breakup frustration and getting in shape is a great way to boost your self-esteem after a break-up.
Don’t forget – the gym is a great place to meet women.
Getting closure is something that needs to be done properly and with the right timing. You just can’t pop over at her place and ask that the two of you “talk”.
Why? Closure is something that the both of you will need to fully recover from the breakup. This is the time where you will know what will happen to your relationship post-mortem. It also helps you get the answers to your questions post breakup.
My suggestion is before you do decide to cut ties with her by removing her from your phonebook and friends’ list of Facebook, try to get some closure.
Relationships break down whether you like it or not, but it doesn’t mean that there’s nothing but trouble once your relationship goes down a bumpy road.
Holding on to your ex will only delay your emotions from going through the entire process of getting over her. It’s not going to be healthy and it’s only going to make you miserable the longer you hold on to her.
You have to learn how to be happy as a single guy and only then can you find happiness with a new girl.
A few months apart or even years will be good for the both of you and once you get past the point of moving on, you will become better persons. Still, if for some reason you still end up together after all you’ve been through, then maybe you’re really meant for each other.