In collaboration with one of my colleagues in relationship, I have helped couples get over this insurmountable trial and they were able to build a stronger relationship than ever before.
I say this with confidence: anyone can save a marriage. It takes dedication, hard work, and patience.
When you’re trying to resolve the conflicts of your relationship, try to remember the following tenets that can be applied to any struggle in your relationship.
1 – Recommit to the relationship/marriage
Oftentimes, I get a lot of couples who come into my office and try to call it quits. This happens way too often for couples where one of them cheated.
Recommitment is a vital part of reconciliation and recovery because it’s the act that will involve the cheating spouse or partner to STOP IT and END COMMUNICATION with the “other” person. It also vital for the betrayed spouse or partner to be a part of the recommitment process because he or she will need to reflect amidst the emotional intensity of the affair before deciding to leave the relationship.
This is done so the relationship or marriage can get started on the healing process. To work through infidelity, the commitment to heal and recover must come from both partners.
2 – Seek professional help
I cannot stress this tenet enough. A skilled licensed therapist or counsellor can go a long way in helping you and your spouse go through a difficult time in your marriage.
Healing from infidelity requires professional intervention from a therapist or counsellor so you and your spouse can go through your individual issues and emotions and process them.
3 – Transparency
To recommit means to be transparent. It’s important for the cheating spouse to re-establish his or her trust to the betrayed partner and the betrayed partner to be able to reciprocate by sharing his or her feelings.
The cheating spouse will have to understand that he or she will be under close scrutiny during this process because the trust is not restored yet. Being transparent allows you to regain that trust.
On the other side of the coin, the betrayed partner must feel the need to be reassured, hence the need for transparency, that the cheating spouse will never do it again.
4 – Be patient and practice patience
Recovering from infidelity is not a miracle you can achieve overnight. It takes weeks, months, or even years to go through the whole process. The first year may even be the most difficult phase in the recovery period. Both partners will need to exercise patience during the recovery process.
The partner who engaged in the affair will have to be patient with the betrayed partner’s close scrutiny (remember, transparency) and must be able to prove that he or she is willing to get that trust back.
The betrayed spouse, on the other hand, must be patient with themselves and their partner. Resentment can be a deadly poison and may hinder you from observing the other three tenets.
Recovery from infidelity takes a lot of hard work and patience, but it’s possible. I bear witness and testify to couples who have entered my office and have come out stronger amidst a very difficult trial, especially infidelity.