As a counsellor, I’ve been trained to look at signs and patterns to tell me something about a person that they hide from plain sight. Just recently, I’ve stumbled across something very interesting.
Science has actually revealed four patterns that could tell you if your relationship is doomed.
How true is this?
Brian Olgosky conducted a research over at the University of Illinois that classified couples according to the changes in their commitment to get married, and the reasons for those changes. Olgosky studied a total of 376 unmarried couples in their mid-20’s over the course of nine months.
Throughout his research he was able to identify four distinct relationship types: dramatic, conflict-ridden, socially-involved, and partner-focused.
Over nine months, he found the couples who belonged to the dramatic group were more likely to break up. These were couples that spent less time with one another and whose relationships were very turbulent.
On the opposite end, he also discovered that couples who belonged to the partner-focused groups were more likely to stay together because these couples valued their partners above all aspects of life.
You can read more about the study here.
You can also check out the full article here.
What’s my take on this?
I’d like to point out that this is a study done on unmarried couples. Based on my experience, there is absolutely no predicting how or when a relationship/marriage will end. I’ve seen partner-focused couples who’ve gone from loving one another so much to going for each other’s throats in a second. I’ve also seen dramatic couples survive a 30-year marriage.
Regardless, it’s always important for spouses to look back and determine how far they’ve gone in their marriage. A couple that started out as a dramatic couple can become partner-focused the longer they stay committed in their marriage, and vice versa.
If you continue asking yourself, “Is my relationship doomed?”, and you want clear answers, you can always seek professional help. A relationship that is not working should be fixed.