Fighting too much?
Couples go through this phase a lot. There’s a lot of laughter the moment you start dating and it’s what I’d like to call the honeymoon phase. So much love, so much laughter, and so much happiness surrounding the relationship. Fast forward to a few months, the arguments start to pop out. Slowly, the minor arguments become bigger and more severe.
It’s now reached a point when even failing to put the toilet seat up can cause a full-blown yelling match between you and your partner. It’s as if World War III erupted right in the middle of nowhere.
Fighting can become a nasty habit, especially if it becomes a habit or we get used to it. Thankfully, our brains are capable of re-shaping and thus, we can un-learn this habit of fighting. To do that, we need to follow some certain steps to de-escalate the situation.
So, how can you stop fighting with your partner?
Figure out the fight
Analyse the situation first and dissect the fight. What’s the aim of the fight? What’s the end game? Are you trying to be superior over your partner, or is it the other way around? Are you both looking for solutions to a problem but can’t seem to agree on one?
In short, do you want war or do you want peace?
Instead of trying to prove your point, start with inquiry. Walk the path softly and interrogate your partner. Why is he or she acting the way he or she is now? When did this happen? What did I do? What did he or she do?
When you are unsure of what caused the fight (yes, there can be this sort of thing), you need to stop right in your tracks like you just pressed the PAUSE button. Retrace your steps – words, thoughts, and actions – and empathise.
Consider the consequences
Part of your inquiry would lead you to this: the consequences. What are the consequences if I fail to de-escalate the fight?
What are the consequences if I try to pursue the fight?
What are the consequences if I try to insist that I’m wrong and he/she is right?
In the heat of the moment, it’s hard to resist a fight. I know from experience.
You need to consider what’s at stake here when you’re fighting. It could be your relationship on the line. Even if you do end up being the winner, making the other feel like a complete loser has its own dire consequences and as such, no one should ever really have to do this.
What to do to end it all?
The answer is COMPROMISE. If you and your partner are arguing all the time, apply the steps listed above and then compromise. Find a middle ground, or at the very least, have something to agree to disagree on.