True love is something we read about in fairy tales, or watch in movies. True love is something that evades us in more ways than one, or at least that is what most people like to believe.
People who are in relationships often break up because love never existed in the first place. But you know what makes love so mysterious?
It doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. You have to create it.
In countless counselling sessions, my clients rant about their frustrations for finding true love and among the numerous narrations, I’ve centered on 8 things that will allow them to create and find true love.
Find true love by loving yourself
If there’s one thing that you can’t give, it’s something you don’t have – this includes love. When you don’t love yourself, how can you expect to love someone else?
If you want anything in life to work out, you need to build a trusting and loving relationship with yourself first. You have to be comfortable with what you have and who you are as a person.
A quick reflective test can be done by answering the following questions:
- How do you treat yourself?
- How do you speak to yourself?
- How do you hold yourself back?
- Why do you hold yourself back?
Find true love through faith, not anxiety
People who are caught up in anxiety believe that they will never find true love. It also impairs their self-esteem and self-confidence the more they wallow in anxiety.
“I will never find true love” is what they always like to say and thus, negative and fearful thoughts will only contribute to their anxiety.
You create your own reality so by thinking negatively, you are manifesting something that you don’t want. Train yourself to think positively and expect the good.
Rather than anxiety, push for faith. Believe in divine intervention and predestination of your romantic journey.
Believe that you deserve to be loved
Remember what I said about creating your reality? Believing that you deserve to be love is the first step to overcoming that nagging anxiety of “not being good enough to be loved” or “not worthy of being loved”.
Believing that you deserve to be loved can help you overcome your self-sabotaging tendencies in your quest for love. Go back to step 1 – Love yourself if you ever find yourself doubting your beliefs about deserving love.
After all, if you don’t believe you deserve to be loved, who else will?
Find true love by receiving the love offered to you
The act of receiving love leaves you vulnerable by showing yourself to another person.
You are basically telling him or her that “you make me happy”, which is an empowering statement because he or she has reins over your happiness and that is what makes it vulnerable.
On your end, your ability to show gratitude and pleasure to other people openly without feeling guilt or shame will be challenged.
Find true love by letting go of your idea of an ideal partner
This is another limiting belief system that needs to go away. When we try to have this checklist of an ideal partner and then compare it with our current, we end up getting frustrated and disappointed.
Human beings are not perfect. It’s good that you know what you want and don’t want, but you don’t want it to narrow your worldview. Must-have checklists for an ideal partner are good only in your head, but it’s not the head that falls in love, is it?
Take the time to appreciate the qualities of your current partner rather than comparing it to an imaginary checklist.
Find true love by giving people the benefit of the doubt
Do you have this tendency of over-analysing your potential partner’s actions? If so, then you need to stop doing it. In order for you to find love, you need to build a sense of trust between you and your partner. You need to stop your head from going into overdrive with malicious thoughts every time he or she doesn’t answer the phone.
Instead of doubt, believe in the good of your potential partner. Believe in the idea that he or she will not disappoint you. Believe in the notion that he or she will bring you joy and happiness.
Find true love through better and effective communication
Last week, I stumbled across a quote from Facebook that says:
“10% of fights start with context. 90% of fights start with the wrong tone of voice”
What does this mean about effective communication then?
Finding love doesn’t require you to be as brilliant with words as Martin Luther King Jr. or William Shakespeare. Communication, from the heart, requires integrity and the courage to speak and be heard. It requires honesty while suppressing the tendency to go silent or avoid communication.
When you are honest and full of integrity, you are building that sense of trust with your potential partner or mate. When you are sincere in your words, you can inspire your potential partner.
Find true love by looking for good role models
Role models are important because it helps you aim for something greater. Remember your parents. They may not have the perfect marriage. They may not have those sweet moments as frequently as you want to remember, but believe it or not, your parents made it.
When you observe how other couples interact and support each other, you have this unconscious tendency to emulate those traits that you see in them. Years ago, I remember my client wishing for a love like that of Victoria and David Beckham.
When you are in the process of observing your ideal couple – whether in person or via media – try to look for what they do, what they say, and all of the micro-details that occur in between.
Once you have enough, make a mental note (not a checklist) of the positive things that they have done and try to emulate them.
True love is not born out of a fairy tale, but rather, it’s a form of love that’s truest of them all. True love is strong, kind, and patient, much like with the eight things that I’ve listed above. The list that I’ve created will not only help you find true love, it will also help you become a better lover in the process.